The Latest Dish

We thought we found an inexpensive recipe due to its lack of ingredients; however, we were sadly disappointed as we pulled out the Visa to cover the $40 tab. In reviewing the receipt, we discovered we could have saved $20 but would have remained without beverage. (Please see previous post - and every other post - to understand why our two boxes of Two-Buck Chuck are empty. Please see two posts below to see our mad math skillz.)

Before looking at our delicious dinner of pasta carbonara, green beans and cherry tomatoes, and garlic bread, please look at the plate underneath. One of our most loyal followers drew to our attention the lack of diversity in dinnerware. (Bet you didn't know Sandra Lee was reading our blog, did you?) Apparently said reader neglected to realize our "broke" status, but we obliged her interest in plates and scoped out the deals at Target. We decided we could swing the $2.99 for a new plate (yes "a," not "a pair"), especially since we just got a sweet catering deal. Now we could really get this business off the ground if only we didn't offer to do it for free...

Tune in for our next tablescape.

Too Much Whine

Upon realization that we have not blogged for a few days, we deemed an explanation necessary. Despite spending every non-working, waking hour together, we were not feeling too bloggerific, as we and many of our nearest and dearest were facing imminent pink-slip delivery. Thankfully, we escaped largely unscathed, but alas, some of our closest comrades did not. Therefore, we commiserated last night with a dinner of wine*, ensuring to "pour one out for the homies."

*Please note that each glass of wine in the picture below represents two bottles.

An Ode to Carbs

This weekend we attempted to rectify our broke 'n single statuses (not that we don't love both of those...just wondering what it'd be like to be rich 'n loved). In order to remedy our broke status, we toted our boxes of empty wine bottles to the local recycling center, thinking we would have at least enough money to cover groceries for dinner. Apparently, not only are we broke, but we also suck at math; therefore, we walked out with 85 cents. In order to alter our single status, our best option this weekend was to cougar-it-up at a fraternity party; sadly, we walked out of the party minus 85 cents plus a Solo cup full of Jungle Juice.

Additionally, we would like to note that our book club met last week and selected the latest soul-healing memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed. Because we embrace the spirit of each book we read and secretly want to be like all of the other members of the book club (i.e. in a relationship), we decided to give our two unruly dinner guests from a few weeks ago another chance. Surprisingly enough, they opted for a romantic dinner and chose to eat frozen pizza in their boxer-briefs at home. Together. Without girls.

Since we had no one to entertain but ourselves, we chose to scrounge around in the pantry to see what we could make with what we had. We actually threw together a fabulous meal: chicken with a Thai peanut sauce over Basmati rice with scallions and almonds, a side of steamed broccoli, and homemade garlic bread with parmesan cheese and the ubiquitous dipping sauce spices. It's probably a good thing we were sans boys, as the garlic bread may have been a little potent.

Chicken Bir-yummy!

While we were at the grocery store picking up last minute items (i.e. all ingredients) after working out, we stumbled (i.e. drawn like moths to a flame) upon the liquor aisle. Obviously we generally opt for vino, but tonight, perhaps due to the immense thirst and dehydration caused by some hardcore kickboxing, everything BUT wine sounded delicious. We decided to channel our inner sorority girl and go for the Bacardi Silver Mojitos. And boy, were they delicious.

Per our Monday night tradition, we watched "Dancing With the Stars" after our formal dining experience (i.e. shoveling food into our mouths from the couch). That is when we realized how to end our single plight: wear low-cut, tight, sequined dresses (preferably with fringe), when we go out. It probably wouldn't hurt to shake our cha-chas and learn how to do the splits, too.

Tonight's dinner menu was Chicken Biryani with a cucumber and tomato salad with a yummy homemade dressing. We have had some requests for recipes to be posted on our blog but have English degrees and are worried about plagiarism. But mostly we think typing recipes sounds like a lot of work.

Stop, Drop, and Roll

Due to the events of the last couple of nights, today's dinner started off with a gallon of Kool-Aid rather than wine; hydration is key to having (read: surviving) a good dinner. However, only one cook subscribed to the "Kool-Aid as hydration theory," and the other instead started off the night with another two bottles of wine, seemingly to forget about the debauchery of the weekend (i.e. spending the last two nights with all married couples, which in turn led to copious amounts of alcohol consumption to feel good about being the only two single people in the entire bar full of smug marrieds).

We would now like to introduce the third cook of the night, who is neither broke nor single. But, keeping in the tradition of our dinners, she procured gifts from the discount cart of wine at the local Drug Town; thus, we welcomed her with open arms, and she has forever secured a place in our blog.

And thank God she was here. She prevented the grass from lighting aflame when someone kicked over the chimney, spilling red-hot coals onto the one dry patch of grass in the entire yard. She raced upstairs, filled an empty bottle of wine with water, and saved our lives, our renters' insurance, and our possible eviction. Perhaps this process would have gone more quickly had she filled a bowl instead of a bottle with water, but she wanted to prove her MacGyver-like resourcefulness. Good thing we had plenty of empty bottles around.

Tonight chronicles our second experience playing with fire. We decided that kabobs are child's play. We wanted something...bigger. We were hungry, hungry for meat. Keeping in tradition, we went straight to the bargain bin (we're broke, remember?) and came up with 12-ounce rib-eyes.

After scoping out (okay, stalking) the hot medical students at the coffee shop all week, we thought we knew their schedules by heart and, since the apartment is two blocks from the med school, we were certain they would jog past during our perfectly-planned grilling session. Alas, the only meat we saw aside from our 12-ounce rib-eyes was a 65-year-old man walking his growling Golden Retriever.

We seasoned the steaks with a mixture from a 2004 stocking stuffer of "bread dipping spices." Topping off the meat is a madeira and mushroom sauce, roasted cherry tomatoes with basil, spinach sauteed in garlic, and, of course, garlic bread. (We're single, remember; we can eat as much garlic as we want.)

Bridal Commercials Suck

Just had to throw that out there as we're sitting here after dinner, getting caught up on "Kendra: True Hollywood Story." (P.S. After watching Kendra throw whole potatoes into the slow cooker, we realized that we "one-upped" her in the cooking department. The score currently stands at Broke 'n Single: 1, Kendra: 8,253.)

After debating what size wedding dress we would need after the whole stick of butter, the pasta, and the 3-inch thick pieces of garlic bread, we decided that ice cream would go well with wine. After all, we did have snow peas and capers.

And now that "Tiger Woods: True Hollywood Story" is on, we decided to rethink the whole marriage thing. In addition, we decided to review our latest attempt to end our adventures in singledom by inviting two seemingly attractive and somewhat successful (and by "successful" we mean gainfully employed and maintaining a household away from their parents) young men for dinner. We put our post-graduate training to work and made a "pros/cons" list to evaluate our most recent foray into the dating world:

Pros:

• Cooking, eating, and cleaning up an amazing dinner of grilled chicken topped with goat cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, and a lemon-butter sauce; roasted asparagus; rice with almonds; and (of course) bread
• Drinking four deliciously cheap bottles of wine
• Playing a rousing game of UNO

Cons (these apply most specifically to our male guests):

• Gargling whiskey
• Watching television with pants around the ankles
• Requesting empty cups for their chew-spit
• Insulting just about every group of people living on the planet today using profanity and racial/sexual/etc. epithets
• Getting too inebriated to safely make it home
• Cheating at UNO
• And, most shockingly, refusing to take pictures

Maybe we should open another bottle...

Pepitas... Huh?!

While sipping our Arbor Mist sangria spritzers out of curly straws this evening, we pondered why we are single. The only reasonable answer we came up with is that we use 18 pounds of cheese and tubs of cream in nearly every meal we create. We even found a way to make the healthiest part of the meal (salad) completely artery-clogging with two cups of mayonnaise, one cup of oil, and, you guessed it, an entire container of cheese. This sounds a lot worse than it is, however, since the recipe made two gallons of dressing.

How is this related to our single status? There are now two enchiladas sitting squarely on our hips. And, according to our leftovers, this will be the case for the next two weeks.

Good thing we have so many people following our newly-developed blog; the leftovers are for you. Meals come with a free prescription of Plavix.

Kuchen Shmuchen

Date: April 4, 2010

Menu: German grub: Rouladen (meat wrapped in meat), Bayrische Käse Spätzle, red cabbage, peach Küchen, asparagus (not German)

Time: 12:00, noon

Sound: *pop* (first cork, ostensibly for the recipe about to start)

Action: prioritize (aka "drink")

Time: 1:00 p.m.

Sound: *pop* (second cork, this time REALLY for the recipe)

Action: whack weird slices of rump roast with hammer on formica countertop (the first step to any good German meal); dice four onions (the second step to any good German meal)

Time: 2:00

Sound: *pop* (third cork, mostly for us, some for recipe - just in case)

Action: roll onions and bacon into rump roast, roll into what should have been tidy packages (result: very sloppy bundles, held together with toothpicks; likely due to crappy butcher, not wine consumption)

Time: 3:00

Sound: *pop* AND *sizzle* (we're actually cooking now)

Action: whisk together flour, eggs, and milk (note: whisking is not easy when this becomes the consistency of rubber cement); brown another four onions; freeze Spätzle maker for optimal dough production; do not check Rouladen

Time: 4:00

Sound: *pop* (sister showed up - it's not just us drinking anymore)

Action: layer dough with onions and pounds of cheese; salivate over how amazing that sounds; wrap our one healthy aspect of the meal (asparagus) in cream cheese and croissant rolls; do not check Rouladen

Time: 4:30

Sound: *pop* (remember: there are now three of us)

Action: attempt the most difficult German dessert ever (fail miserably, despite its beautiful appearance as evidenced below); do not check Rouladen

Time: 5:00

Sound: *pop* *pop*

Smell: lots of onions and burning meat

Action: check Rouladen and find it is burnt; open another bottle of wine to forget about the burnt meat (oh, and to assist in its full recovery); thaw red cabbage that Grandma made five months ago (but that we will take credit for)

Time: 6:00

Sound: *pop* (but this time we're sitting down for dinner, so now it's actually okay)

Action: devour the meal that took us SIX HOURS to create - was it good? We don't know - do you see how much wine we consumed?

Quote: "Since when is Easter a binge-drinking holiday?"

Response: "We're starting a new tradition, Mom."

Date: April 5, 2010

Time: 6:30 a.m.

Sound: alarm clock

Action: none

Flame ON!

We have spent the last two weeks waiting for two "potentials" to call us up for an evening of grilling, beer, and fun. Oddly enough, we are still waiting; however, the grilling did not. First, we had to locate the Weber. Where does a broke 'n single girl keep her charcoal grill? Oh yes: her trunk. Although in possession of said grill for approximately eight months, we have only utilized it twice, both times under the close supervision (okay, scrutiny) of a male. After dusting off the ol' cooking machine, we heated up the charcoal (not once, but twice) in a handy-dandy "chimney." Then comes the cooking...

Problem #1: could not find low-fat, plain yogurt. Solution #1: it was a Weight Watchers recipe, so we are certain that full-fat, plain yogurt was just fine. Now, our first solo adventure with charcoal grilling involved kabobs. Problem #2: no bowl big enough to soak skewers. Solution #2: empty wine bottle, fill with water, insert skewers. Problem #3: seeing that we are single city girls, we do not have a backyard or a deck. Solution #3: block the only sidewalk going into the building with the smoking chimney and charcoal and put the grill in the front yard bordering the busiest street in the city. What can we say? SAFETY FIRST.

Perhaps it was the folding chairs on the front lawn, or maybe the $2 bottle of wine, or possibly even the amazing tan lines, but we got more cat calls tonight than we have in the last several months. (And by that, we mean one car honked - probably because the old man in front of them was going 20 miles an hour. However, our egos, buoyed by our success with the charcoal chimney, loved it.)

After finally figuring out how to cook with charcoal, we waited...and waited...and waited some more. We were so intrigued by the satisfying sizzle and thought the kabobs were done, therefore opening the grill...only to find raw chicken dripping marinade on the completely cooled charcoal. Good thing we brought the bottle of wine downstairs. We then acquiesced and called...a boy. Not wanting to compromise our reputation as independent, fearless females, said boy was...a brother who completely made fun of us for not understanding the most basic principle of charcoal grilling: allowing air to "feed the fire."

Interestingly enough, once we opened the holes on the top of the grill, the kabobs cooked quite nicely. Accompanying our peanut butter chicken kabobs are roasted, parmesan-salted cherry tomatoes; and Brussels sprout with bacon, brown sugar, shallot, and sherry. (We told you we cook with wine...)

The Obligatory Introduction

Thank God for Two-Buck Chuck.

Allow us to introduce ourselves. We are two broke 'n single girls from Des Moines, Iowa, who decided it was much easier and definitely more cost-effective to cook for each other rather than for ourselves. (Although this does not do much for our "single" status, it helps out the bank accounts. We'll figure out the rest later.) Thus, our cooking adventures were born. After several meals of amazingness, we concluded that we needed to share our culinary skills with the rest of the world. We hope you enjoy our stories and, most of all, the accompanying pictures.

Oh, and we like cooking with wine. Rarely does it make it into our food.