Recently, one set of parents visited from Florida, and as we were discussing all of the social events here in Iowa, step-mommy-dearest interjected with, "Does everything here involve drinking in some way, shape, or form?" Um, yes. This was a surprising question, considering that we come by our drinking problems honestly; neither one complained when we pulled out the two bottles of wine we stowed in the picnic basket for our six-hour tour of the Bridges of Madison County. They are good sports and whole-heartedly embraced the drinking philosophy of Iowa: "There's Nothing To Do Here But Drink." In fact, they even attended our friends' half-birthday celebration, which included midnight tree climbing (unsafe), road flares as birthday candles (dangerous), tiki torches at one of the city's busiest intersections (illegal), sprinkler enemas in the sculpture garden (immature), and too many trips down the slip 'n slide (really fun).* Awkward moment: trying to introduce your father to your friends who had apparently decided to take a nap in the middle of the multi-million-dollar sculpture garden. Dad didn't care; after all, we had also been drinking all day.
Because we are such philanthropists - and huge fans of open bars - we joined a second set of parents in Omaha for a charity event in the not-so-distant past. 'Tinis & Tunes was a benefit for the Ribbon Foundation and took place in the parking lot of the hair salon, which was transformed into a beach oasis...sort of. Shockingly, we steered away from our typical drink of choice (wine) and went straight to the liquor bar, chugging down copious amounts of vodka and gin tonics. Yum. These drinks helped us be not only the first ones on the dance floor (remember, we are really good dancers after drinking), but we were the only ones on the dance floor. Did we care? Nope. After all, we were by far the youngest people there and were only doing our young-person duty: we got the party started. Did we embarrass ourselves? Quite possibly. Did we make Mama proud? Most definitely. And, we won door prizes.
Just two days ago, we further strengthened familial ties by bonding over alcohol at our sister's going-away party...which took place at none other than a frat house. In addition to all of the well-wishes for our sister, the evening's activities included a rousing game of Circle of Death, heckling the losers during Catchphrase (yes, pointing fingers and screaming, "YOU LOSE!" did happen), and investigating the source of the persisting vomit stench. Please do not think we were there cougar-ing it up, searching for fresh meat; but what girl doesn't jump at the opportunity to go to a party on Greek Street?!
Perpetuating drinking among family members, we invited Sister and Her Boyfriend over for dinner tonight and cooked a delicious meal of tilapia with a puttanesca relish over parmesan orzo. Oh, with wine, of course.** And Trivial Pursuit.
*Interestingly, this same party prompted the hostess the following day to ask, "Where were the grown-ups at this party?"
**If anyone would like to spring for a 28-day stay at a facility in Malibu, please email us.
Disclaimer: we may be drunk, but we ain't stupid: a designated driver accompanied us to each of these endeavors.
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