Is This Thing On?

As many of you may know (or more likely probably did not know or care), we were interviewed as dating experts last week by a live-streaming radio show. While one of us spent the day at work and in grad class like a responsible adult, the other polished off a few bottles of wine after earnestly promising her co-interviewee that she would stay for "only one drink."

Oops.

Because of our amazing culinary reputation, we naturally assumed there would be at least one question regarding our mad skillz in the kitchen, so this is what we focused on during our car ride downtown.

Wrong. Now we know not to prepare. For anything.

After stumbling into the studio with our neatly written index cards and red wine hives, our mouths dropped to the floor when we noticed our co-panelist, the only male in the room. Was it Brad Pitt? Barack Obama? No: closer to a cross between Lance Armstrong and Alfred Eisenstädt; this man could have been one of our blog subjects, had he agreed to more than one date with yours truly.

Thankfully, there was a technical error, and instead of talking to our international fan base, we entertained the five of us in the soundproof booth. Some of our favorite questions included

• What is your favorite pick-up line? (Um, "hello" usually works... Although, "I have a tab at the bar" is music to our ears.)
• Are your blogs for real? (Um, yes. Do you think we can make this up?)
• Where do you meet men? (Um, we don't. Have you read our blog?!)

This final question prompted us to reflect (for all of 30 seconds) on the best places to meet potentials. While that list for us is very limited, we could write a novel (or a blog) on where not to meet men. And so we share with you, dear readers, our lessons well-learned:

1. A radio interview about dating when you have already (unsuccessfully) dated the only male panelist.
2. The gynecologist office: clearly, they have baggage (or will in approximately nine months).
3. Friday night at home watching TLC marathons of "Toddlers in Tiaras" or anything involving a white dress.
4. North Dakota.
5. The recycling room at the grocery store. (This could work if we recycled cases of import beer rather than boxes of $2 wine.)
6. The Pride Parade. (Pretty sure Mr. Leather Iowa is not interested in us, regardless of how cute our dog looks in a rainbow lei.)
7. A sports bar at 9 a.m. in the morning.
8. Craft stores.
9. Parties with the smug-marrieds.
10. The produce department at the grocery store. (Thanks, Tracy.)
11. NRA meetings. (Thanks, Lance Eisenstädt.)
12. The premier of Eclipse. (We know it doesn't come out until June 30th, but we're just guessing.)
13. Church. (We could say this with more certainty if we actually attended.)
14. Planned Parenthood lunch-and-learns. (Yes, we are politically active. No, boys probably don't want to know about VD Investigators.)
15. The dog park without a dog.
16. Kleinfeld's in New York City.

After our dinner of coconut-crusted fish with a red curry sauce, Thai rice, and sugar snap peas, we are hitting the pavement to bring you more updates as to where to not meet men. Dedication, we tell you.