A Charity Case

As we mentioned in the previous post, we invited Randy to an upscale charity function a couple of weeks ago.  It may be important to note that this was not just a charity event that we attended but one for which we serve on the board, one for which we were underwriters.  Read: it was kind of a big deal.

We had been looking forward to this event for months and had purchased a beautiful new cocktail dress (and looked exactly like the model):

5:00 p.m.: After spending nearly two hours primping and curling and make-up-ing, we went to pick up our date.  (OWI's, remember?)

5:05 p.m.: Smell the Blue Moon and Vegas Bombs wafting off of our date.

5:06 p.m.: Jaw hits the ground as we see what he is deeming appropriate attire - the most torn-up jeans he owns, a t-shirt, and a stupid hat.

5:10 p.m.: Randy asks us if we would drive him to a friend's house to run an "errand" with him.

5:30 p.m.: Walk into a scene straight from Half Baked - in a tiny cocktail dress and five-inch platform heels.

6:30 p.m.: Drive back to Randy's and force him to change.

6:31 p.m.: Randy invites roommate (Buck) to the event.  Repeatedly.

6:33 p.m.: Randy digs out slightly more appropriate clothing (cigarette burn on the pants, a fly that didn't work).

6:35 p.m.: Randy demands that he will be wearing flip-flops.

7:00 p.m.: Arrive at a fancy downtown restaurant to have a glass of wine and schmooze with friends.  (In hindsight, Randy did not need anything to drink other than a liter of water and eight Aspirin.)

7:30 p.m.: Pull into parking lot, and Randy answers a girl's phone call and invites her to the event.  When he realizes she does not have a ticket, he said that we can sneak her into the venue "in his trousers."

7:31 p.m.: Become even more annoyed.

7:32 p.m.: Move from annoyed to pissed.

7:33 p.m.: Move from pissed to furious.

In the hour that we were at the event, Randy had approximately four bottles of wine to our one glass, ate appetizers straight from the platters (sans napkin or plate), wandered around outside during the ten-minute presentation, picked flowers out of the centerpieces, asked the server to "top him off," and acted like a complete ass.

8:45 p.m.: Tell Randy that it is time to leave, despite another hour of open bar.

Did we drop him off at home?  No, no, of course we didn't.  Instead, we decided to take him to our house because his roommate, who is dating our best friend, had an "overnight guest."

Stay tuned for that hot mess.